Open Letter to My Mom, Sept. 2025

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Via Google



Hey, Mom,

I don't know why I keep writing these. I guess to help me process things, maybe? To give me a place to say all the things I wish I could say to your face?

We're getting married, Mom. Soon. I don't have an exact date and it won't be anything huge or fancy. But it's happening. I'm so excited and so scared. I get to spend the rest of my life with him. But what if I'm a horrible partner, a horrible wife? I've messed so many relationships up. I don't want to mess this one up too.

So I'm going to work really hard and try every day to be better. To be the partner he deserves and to not mess this up. He makes me want to be better. He always has.

And I know it won't be easy. It never has been. Our relationship has always taken work and effort from both of us, because we're human. But I wouldn't trade that work for anything ever.

I know... I know marrying him means losing you forever. I know you will never be able to see past my choice to be with him and that you will always see it as wrong. I know you will think that it's sending me to hell, even if you'd never say it to my face. I've heard you say about other couples with relationships like ours, long before you knew who I am.

I just wish you could see why I chose him. Wish you could see that, even if I made it to heaven, it would be hell without him. Wish you could see that to be loved by him is my heaven, the only peace on earth I've ever known. 

You'd tell me that I've made an idol out of him and our relationship if you heard me say that. I wish I could tell that for the first time in my life I don't hate being alive and that's because of him. Because of our relationship. I'm genuinely, truly happy to be alive, Mom. How is that wrong?

I'm sorry that you have to go through the pain I know this is causing you, Mom. I'm sorry that you can't share this with me and that another one of your kids is getting married without you. I'm sorry that we won't make memories of my wedding day together. I'm sorry that you won't know when it happens.

I really wish we could. I wish I could trust you to be happy with me in this, to support me in these moments. But I can't expect you to change who you, because I can't change who I am. And I am going to marry him, Mom. He's my best friend, my life partner. I am the woman I am today because he took a chance on a broken, angry girl and loved her through her healing.

I'd be dead without him. Dead. Most likely by my own hand. So I chose the life that makes me feel alive and full and happy and whole. The life with him, married and committed and loved. I chose the wrong life, Mom, because there is no other choice for me.


I love you, Mom. I miss you.

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