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June 2026 Journal Entry

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  Dear Younger Me, If I could tell you one thing today, if I could go back to you at 16 years old, it would be this: You heal. You will one day be 26 and happy. You will be loved and seen and known. One day, you will have a home. You will grow plants; you will grow flowers. Your alarm with go off at 7:30 so you can go running with your dog. You will read books, and they won't be a desperate escape. You will read them because you enjoy it and not because it's the only way you feel like you can breath. You will laugh at the characters and enjoy the plotlines. And you'll do it without wishing your life had the happy ending. You will read because it makes you happy. Words will stop being weapons and just be tools. They'll soften. They will rush out of you with excitement and joy, a waterfall still. That waterfall, though, will spring from everything you love and not from a fear that you will never be listened to. You learn to let the words out without the constant edge. The...
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The Grieving Doesn't End

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It's the thing that no one told me. And it's probably what continues to surprise me the most. No matter what. the grieving never seems to end. Every milestone. Every scary moment. Every time I hesitate about an adult thing. I reach for something, and it's not there. There's no support. There's no advice, no listening ear. I have to figure it out alone. And yes, I chose this life. I walk a path of my own making, rocky though it be. But everytime I stumble, I wonder what it would be like to walk it with your guidance. To know you would catch me if I fall. And I grieve. I grieve knowing that the version of you that would do those things does not exist -- not for me at least. This is a lesson I learned so many times. You are hurt too. Your path is also rocky, and you also stumble. Your support didn't pick you up either. And I grieve that for you. I grieve that anyone else knows what this pain is like, but especially that you do. You deserved support and guidance. Yo...
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Open Letter to My Mom, Sept. 2025

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Via Google Hey, Mom, I don't know why I keep writing these. I guess to help me process things, maybe? To give me a place to say all the things I wish I could say to your face? We're getting married, Mom. Soon. I don't have an exact date and it won't be anything huge or fancy. But it's happening. I'm so excited and so scared. I get to spend the rest of my life with him. But what if I'm a horrible partner, a horrible wife? I've messed so many relationships up. I don't want to mess this one up too. So I'm going to work really hard and try every day to be better. To be the partner he deserves and to not mess this up. He makes me want to be better. He always has. And I know it won't be easy. It never has been. Our relationship has always taken work and effort from both of us, because we're human. But I wouldn't trade that work for anything ever. I know... I know marrying him means losing you forever. I know you will never be able to see pa...
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Starting 2025: An Open Letter to my Mom

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Via Google Hey Mom, It's me again. I'm sorry; I wasn't planning on writing you again. But um, I'm really scared right now, and I wish you were here to reassure me. See, 2024 ended kinda rough. And 2025... 2025 is looking like it's going to be a big scary year. I guess I should tell you about 2024 first. A friend walked out. Someone I trusted. They said they cared. They said they would help. They didn't. It's left my little family scrambling. It doesn't feel like we have a lot of support. My in-laws can't seem to make up their minds about me. One day, they say I need to fix my life on my own. The next, they want to help and listen. I don't get it, and I don't know what to do. I spent Christmas alone because we weren't sure if I would be welcomed. That sucked a lot. We're moving soon. We're leaving the town we both grew up in and love so much. I don't know the city we're moving to very well. And it's a temporary move too...
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For You

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I swore I would never bleed again I swore I would cause no pain again I swore I would have no scars again I swore I would but I met you I met you and I would bleed for you I met you and I would die for you I met you and I would live for you
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Lovers

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Via Google Different roots, same tree Different minds, same laugh Different thens, same nows No homes, save ours No future, save ours No love, save ours Chosen path, faced together Chosen life, shared together Chosen joy, loved together
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Dear Younger Me

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  Via Google Dear younger me, I'm not who you thought you would grow up to be. I'm not who you hoped you would be, but I'm also not who you feared you would be. I know you wanted to be all the things your parents and religion told you to be. You wanted to be the good obedient woman. You wanted to be seen as worthy. To have Proverbs 31 quoted in referrence to you. You wanted to fit the box of good christian woman. I know you saw the way woman who didn't fit that roll were treated. I know you watched people smile at their faces and critize behind their backs. You feared growing up to be one of the people who did that to others. You didn't want to pretend like that, but you feared the options. You were taught that the only other choice wasn't good. The people in your life whispered about anyone who didn't measure up. As a teenager, your temper scared you. You thought you were too loud, too argumentive, too stubborn. You were told that men like woman with sweet ...
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