Moriah Snell Writes . . .

  Via Google Dear younger me, I'm not who you thought you would grow up to be. I'm not who you hoped you would be, but I'm also not who you feared you would be. I know you wanted to be all the things your parents and religion told you to be. You wanted to be the good obedient woman. You wanted to be seen as worthy. To have Proverbs 31 quoted in referrence to you. You wanted to fit the box of good christian woman. I know you saw the way woman who didn't fit that roll were treated. I know you watched people smile at their faces and critize behind their backs. You feared growing up to be one of the people who did that to others. You didn't want to pretend like that, but you feared the options. You were taught that the only other choice wasn't good. The people in your life whispered about anyone who didn't measure up. As a teenager, your temper scared you. You thought you were too loud, too argumentive, too stubborn. You were told that men like woman with sweet

Via Google Hi, Mom. It's me.  I know we don't talk. I know that was my decision, but I wanna say a few things. You don't have to listen; that's ok. Really. I just... I just need to say them, and words were always the best way for me to express myself. Growing up, you told me I was too loud, too angry, too stubborn. You said I only listened to myself. You hated my need to be right. You hated how loud my emotions were and told me that they would get me in trouble. Maybe that's not how you really felt. I hope not. But that's what you communicated to my younger self. Parts of that are right and true. I was angry. My emotions were violent, and I didn't know what to do with them. I desperately, desperately wanted to be right. I was scared of being wrong. Being wrong meant punishment, the few things I loved taken away. I had so many siblings, and I always felt alone. I knew I didn't fit the box, and I knew I was supposed to. So I hid in things. I hid in Lord of

Via Pinterest Hi. I'm back. And for the first time in a long time, I'm really, really happy. I'm not turning to this blog out of guilt or even to vent. I'm writing this because I actually want to. Which feels weird. I can't tell you the last time I wanted to write anything. The last time I posted anything was September of 2021. That post was... odd.  I was writing angry. It's probably been almost a year since I was in a good head space, and I can see it in that post. I've pretty much changed everything in my life since that September post. Exactly three things have stayed the same: my family, my job, and my cat. Literally everything else has changed. I moved, I have a different friend group, and I'm just overall trying to take control of my life and make it better. I'm making a lot of positive changes in my day to day. I'm eating and sleeping better. I'm spending more time with better people. I'm talking with my family more. I adopted a k

Via Pinterest So I saw an image on Pinterest earlier. All it said was "Kind words cost nothing". It's a common sentiment. I've heard its like a million times. You probably have too. If your upbringing was anything like mine, you were taught that kindness was good and that you should always be kind. But here's the thing: kind words can cost a lot.  They take energy. They take effort. They take more mental space than I like to admit. It is so much easier for me to say the sarcastic thing that immediately pops into my head. It's so much easier for me to do the bare minimum all the time. Kind words are hard. Kindness isn't natural. Most days, I don't want to put the effort in. Most days, I want to be mean to everyone, including myself. And I'm learning that it's okay for that to be true. Somedays, I fail to be kind. That's human nature. A lot of the time, I'm trying my best and coming up short. and that's okay too. But you know what the

Via Pinteresrt It's dark now. My apartment is quiet. I'm watching a movie on Netflix. I like it. It's good. Onyx is nearby. I'm wrapped in a blanket. My mind is quiet. I'm a little lonely. I haven't seen one of my friends much lately. I miss her. Work has been hard. The hours are long. Management demands a lot. Part of me wants to cry. Part of me wants to sleep. I'm not sure what exactly I'm writing. I should probably delete all of this. It's nonsense. But it's also the truth. It's me right now. It's me as I am in this moment. So I won't delete it. I'll post it. Because these moments are important. They're me as I really am. They're me without the noise and masks. I just am. I'm not afraid to be me anymore. I want to know who I am. I can't learn that if I constantly erase the words that are me. I'm Moriah. Tonight, I am quiet.

  Via "Life Truths" Once again, it's been a bit. But I'm tired,and I have tacos, so what better time to be honest??? Some of y'all may remember that I moved out of my parents's house about a year ago. If you do, you may also remember that it was a really hard time for me. I struggled with a lot of things, but ultimately it was the right decision for me. So today, I kinda just wanted to look back and see what this year has been like for me. Let's get started. The first big thing is that I haven't been suicidal in about a year. And I can't explain how huge that is for me. To have been heavily suicidal since I was thirteen years old and then have three hundred sixty five days without the desire to end myself... There aren't words for how that feels. (Everything else is going to seem really unimportant after that one, btw.) I guess the second thing is that I haven't written much since moving out. Part of that is because I finished The Dragon