Dear Younger Me

 

Via Google

Dear younger me,

I'm not who you thought you would grow up to be. I'm not who you hoped you would be, but I'm also not who you feared you would be.

I know you wanted to be all the things your parents and religion told you to be. You wanted to be the good obedient woman. You wanted to be seen as worthy. To have Proverbs 31 quoted in referrence to you. You wanted to fit the box of good christian woman.

I know you saw the way woman who didn't fit that roll were treated. I know you watched people smile at their faces and critize behind their backs. You feared growing up to be one of the people who did that to others. You didn't want to pretend like that, but you feared the options.

You were taught that the only other choice wasn't good. The people in your life whispered about anyone who didn't measure up. As a teenager, your temper scared you. You thought you were too loud, too argumentive, too stubborn. You were told that men like woman with sweet words and to not be so sarcastic. 

And all of that scared you. You tried to do better and always messed up. You cried alone, praying to be made different than you were. You prayed to be what you were supposed to be but terrified that you never would be.

And guess what? You're not.

Tattoos were taboo, ungodly. You have fifteen of them today. Long hair was your crowning glory; today you have shaved sides. And you love these things about yourself. The all black that you were judged for and laughed at over? They've evolved into a full on goth aesthetic that makes you feel so confident.

And you're happy. Most of all, you're happy. You love who you are. Yes, a lot of people judge you. A lot of people judge you. A lot of people reject you. You've been called Satan by one random man who didn't like how I was dressed. But it's stopped mattering to you.

You know who you are. You love who you are. You made it to 25 (almost). Good job. You're worth all the effort and time. You are exactly who you should be, and I'm proud of you. You'll make it here soon.