Moriah Snell Writes . . .

  Dear Younger Me, If I could tell you one thing today, if I could go back to you at 16 years old, it would be this: You heal. You will one day be 26 and happy. You will be loved and seen and known. One day, you will have a home. You will grow plants; you will grow flowers. Your alarm with go off at 7:30 so you can go running with your dog. You will read books, and they won't be a desperate escape. You will read them because you enjoy it and not because it's the only way you feel like you can breath. You will laugh at the characters and enjoy the plotlines. And you'll do it without wishing your life had the happy ending. You will read because it makes you happy. Words will stop being weapons and just be tools. They'll soften. They will rush out of you with excitement and joy, a waterfall still. That waterfall, though, will spring from everything you love and not from a fear that you will never be listened to. You learn to let the words out without the constant edge. The...

It's the thing that no one told me. And it's probably what continues to surprise me the most. No matter what. the grieving never seems to end. Every milestone. Every scary moment. Every time I hesitate about an adult thing. I reach for something, and it's not there. There's no support. There's no advice, no listening ear. I have to figure it out alone. And yes, I chose this life. I walk a path of my own making, rocky though it be. But everytime I stumble, I wonder what it would be like to walk it with your guidance. To know you would catch me if I fall. And I grieve. I grieve knowing that the version of you that would do those things does not exist -- not for me at least. This is a lesson I learned so many times. You are hurt too. Your path is also rocky, and you also stumble. Your support didn't pick you up either. And I grieve that for you. I grieve that anyone else knows what this pain is like, but especially that you do. You deserved support and guidance. Yo...

Via Google Hey, Mom, I don't know why I keep writing these. I guess to help me process things, maybe? To give me a place to say all the things I wish I could say to your face? We're getting married, Mom. Soon. I don't have an exact date and it won't be anything huge or fancy. But it's happening. I'm so excited and so scared. I get to spend the rest of my life with him. But what if I'm a horrible partner, a horrible wife? I've messed so many relationships up. I don't want to mess this one up too. So I'm going to work really hard and try every day to be better. To be the partner he deserves and to not mess this up. He makes me want to be better. He always has. And I know it won't be easy. It never has been. Our relationship has always taken work and effort from both of us, because we're human. But I wouldn't trade that work for anything ever. I know... I know marrying him means losing you forever. I know you will never be able to see pa...

Via Google Hey Mom, It's me again. I'm sorry; I wasn't planning on writing you again. But um, I'm really scared right now, and I wish you were here to reassure me. See, 2024 ended kinda rough. And 2025... 2025 is looking like it's going to be a big scary year. I guess I should tell you about 2024 first. A friend walked out. Someone I trusted. They said they cared. They said they would help. They didn't. It's left my little family scrambling. It doesn't feel like we have a lot of support. My in-laws can't seem to make up their minds about me. One day, they say I need to fix my life on my own. The next, they want to help and listen. I don't get it, and I don't know what to do. I spent Christmas alone because we weren't sure if I would be welcomed. That sucked a lot. We're moving soon. We're leaving the town we both grew up in and love so much. I don't know the city we're moving to very well. And it's a temporary move too...

I swore I would never bleed again I swore I would cause no pain again I swore I would have no scars again I swore I would but I met you I met you and I would bleed for you I met you and I would die for you I met you and I would live for you

Via Google Different roots, same tree Different minds, same laugh Different thens, same nows No homes, save ours No future, save ours No love, save ours Chosen path, faced together Chosen life, shared together Chosen joy, loved together

  Via Google Dear younger me, I'm not who you thought you would grow up to be. I'm not who you hoped you would be, but I'm also not who you feared you would be. I know you wanted to be all the things your parents and religion told you to be. You wanted to be the good obedient woman. You wanted to be seen as worthy. To have Proverbs 31 quoted in referrence to you. You wanted to fit the box of good christian woman. I know you saw the way woman who didn't fit that roll were treated. I know you watched people smile at their faces and critize behind their backs. You feared growing up to be one of the people who did that to others. You didn't want to pretend like that, but you feared the options. You were taught that the only other choice wasn't good. The people in your life whispered about anyone who didn't measure up. As a teenager, your temper scared you. You thought you were too loud, too argumentive, too stubborn. You were told that men like woman with sweet ...

Via Google Hi, Mom. It's me.  I know we don't talk. I know that was my decision, but I wanna say a few things. You don't have to listen; that's ok. Really. I just... I just need to say them, and words were always the best way for me to express myself. Growing up, you told me I was too loud, too angry, too stubborn. You said I only listened to myself. You hated my need to be right. You hated how loud my emotions were and told me that they would get me in trouble. Maybe that's not how you really felt. I hope not. But that's what you communicated to my younger self. Parts of that are right and true. I was angry. My emotions were violent, and I didn't know what to do with them. I desperately, desperately wanted to be right. I was scared of being wrong. Being wrong meant punishment, the few things I loved taken away. I had so many siblings, and I always felt alone. I knew I didn't fit the box, and I knew I was supposed to. So I hid in things. I hid in Lord of...

Via Pinterest Hi. I'm back. And for the first time in a long time, I'm really, really happy. I'm not turning to this blog out of guilt or even to vent. I'm writing this because I actually want to. Which feels weird. I can't tell you the last time I wanted to write anything. The last time I posted anything was September of 2021. That post was... odd.  I was writing angry. It's probably been almost a year since I was in a good head space, and I can see it in that post. I've pretty much changed everything in my life since that September post. Exactly three things have stayed the same: my family, my job, and my cat. Literally everything else has changed. I moved, I have a different friend group, and I'm just overall trying to take control of my life and make it better. I'm making a lot of positive changes in my day to day. I'm eating and sleeping better. I'm spending more time with better people. I'm talking with my family more. I adopted a k...

Via Pinterest So I saw an image on Pinterest earlier. All it said was "Kind words cost nothing". It's a common sentiment. I've heard its like a million times. You probably have too. If your upbringing was anything like mine, you were taught that kindness was good and that you should always be kind. But here's the thing: kind words can cost a lot.  They take energy. They take effort. They take more mental space than I like to admit. It is so much easier for me to say the sarcastic thing that immediately pops into my head. It's so much easier for me to do the bare minimum all the time. Kind words are hard. Kindness isn't natural. Most days, I don't want to put the effort in. Most days, I want to be mean to everyone, including myself. And I'm learning that it's okay for that to be true. Somedays, I fail to be kind. That's human nature. A lot of the time, I'm trying my best and coming up short. and that's okay too. But you know what the...

Via Pinteresrt It's dark now. My apartment is quiet. I'm watching a movie on Netflix. I like it. It's good. Onyx is nearby. I'm wrapped in a blanket. My mind is quiet. I'm a little lonely. I haven't seen one of my friends much lately. I miss her. Work has been hard. The hours are long. Management demands a lot. Part of me wants to cry. Part of me wants to sleep. I'm not sure what exactly I'm writing. I should probably delete all of this. It's nonsense. But it's also the truth. It's me right now. It's me as I am in this moment. So I won't delete it. I'll post it. Because these moments are important. They're me as I really am. They're me without the noise and masks. I just am. I'm not afraid to be me anymore. I want to know who I am. I can't learn that if I constantly erase the words that are me. I'm Moriah. Tonight, I am quiet.

  Via "Life Truths" Once again, it's been a bit. But I'm tired,and I have tacos, so what better time to be honest??? Some of y'all may remember that I moved out of my parents's house about a year ago. If you do, you may also remember that it was a really hard time for me. I struggled with a lot of things, but ultimately it was the right decision for me. So today, I kinda just wanted to look back and see what this year has been like for me. Let's get started. The first big thing is that I haven't been suicidal in about a year. And I can't explain how huge that is for me. To have been heavily suicidal since I was thirteen years old and then have three hundred sixty five days without the desire to end myself... There aren't words for how that feels. (Everything else is going to seem really unimportant after that one, btw.) I guess the second thing is that I haven't written much since moving out. Part of that is because I finished The Dragon...

Via  Google Um.... Hi. This is Moriah. I know it's been... a while. I know I said I would post more in 2021, but this blog isn't always the most important thing in my life. And I'm learning to accept that is okay. I always come back to it. So as much as I want to share a detailed plan on how I will be posting on this day every week, at this time.... I'm not going to. That's not what this blog is about anymore. This blog isn't even about my writing anymore. This blog is about me. This blog is about my thoughts and emotions and just the little everyday things that make up my life. Cause guess what? I really love my life right now. It's actually kind of perfect. Am I perfect? Not by a long shot. But I'm happy, I'm healthy, and I'm content. Can you really ask anything else from me? So yeah, that's about it. I took a break from writing, but I'm slowly picking it back up. I may or may not share about it here. I still love my cat more than I pro...

What is peace? The quiet moment before I'm truly awake What is peace? The vibration of my cat's rumbling purr What is peace? Friends piled on the couch What is peace? The joy of loving my life

  From "Life Truths" I think that we'd all agree that 2020 was an interesting year, to say the least. But as I look back at it, I do realize one thing. See, I chose "renewal" to be the word of my 2020. That was what I was focusing on. That was what I wanted to see in my life. And I did. It was hard. It was scary. But I saw renewal. In my everyday life, I'm closer to who I am inside. I am happier. My depression is better. So maybe I didn't sell any books. In fact, 2020 wasn't the greatest year for my writing at all. Maybe I didn't keep up with my bullet journal all the time. Maybe I didn't post here as regularly as I wanted to. But it was a good year for me. 2020 was a year of renewal. As promised, here's a recent picture of Onyx. She's happy and healthy and one of the greatest things to come out of this year.

From "Life Truths" I'm still in the midst of quarantine. I've had a few hard days. I've struggled to stay motivated. I've watched way too many movies. It's been a moment. But hey, I'm alive, and that's what counts. From "Bullet Journal Inspiration" So when I've had the energy, I've been setting up my 2021 bullet journal. I dropped the ball on my bujo during my move back in August but have picked it up again. I'm excited to carry it forward into the new year. (Let me know if y'all are interested in seeing more of that in 2021.) One thing I'm using my bullet journal for is my goals and hopes for the coming year. And though I've kept it simple, I did want to share them here as I've done in the past. Then, one day, at the end of 2021, we'll look back at them ans see how I did. PERSONAL GROWTH ~ There are areas in my life that I'm not happy with. I won't go into detail here, but I want to look at back at...

  From "Life Truths" Hi. Today is weird for me. It's Monday, but I'm off. I'm off tomorrow too. And Wednesday and the rest of the week. No, I'm not on vacation. I'm in quarantine. My roommate tested positive for COVID-19 last week. And yeah, it's kinda scary. So I'm presently filling my days with Marvel movies, bullet journaling, and writing. I've actually written more these past few days than I have in a long time. And it's actual words. I'm not editing at the moment. I'm actively creating something new. I haven't done that in a long time, and I remember how much I love it. My quarantine project is a story idea that I've had floating around for a long time. It's not much - just a sarcastic princess who's an assassin by night and falls in love with the prince she's supposed to kill. I'm not sure if it's a novel or a short story or something in between. But it's fun. I'm enjoying it, ad right now, ...

1. When Onyx snuggles with me as I write. 2. When I write a sentence that does exactly what it's supposed to and does it well. 3. When my roommate and I binge a new show 4. Making the exact meal that I want to eat, just because I can. 5. Doing a full face of makeup, and it's all on point. What do you love?

  If you've been wondering what writing looks like once you move out, let me tell you. It's hard. I work a full time job. When I get home, there's cooking, cleaning, and other responsibilities to take care of. My kitty, Onyx, needs attention, and honest to goodness, I'm just beat. My roommate and I have been living together for about two and a half months, and there's still things we're figuring out. We're still developing rhythms. Unfortunately, that means that my writing has kinda fallen by the wayside. I'm slowly picking it back up, but I've chosen to not dive straight back into The Dragon's Skin . I've worked non-stop on that story for close to a year now. It's borderline obsessive for me. My best friend has been telling for a while to take a break, and I finally decided to listen to her. Presently, I'm dabbling with a few story ideas. Most are falling flat, but one shows some promise. We'll see how it goes. If none of them wo...

heavy mind inside me, why do you fill my world with grey? where once was color, i see only shadows and i can find no stars heavy mind inside me, i thought i left you behind. but you are still here, you surround me on every side, and i find only you heavy mind inside me, is there no escape? i hope for freedom, i search for joy, but they are beyond my reach